Forever tainted.

Stripped.


Bare and frigged, no where to hide your baggage,
so toss them aside, let them see.
What happens when they all leave?
casted to the way side,
with only your false sense of acceptance to hide that gapping hole in your chest.
let their laughter ring, let them strip you, let them contour you.
when will you understand?
they have left you a shell, frail, brittle, and worn.
All your entities were envied, but you traded them for a gray cloak.
Redemption has never been so out of reach.

State of War.

False hope and temporary confidence- I am let down, or rather tied down. The boards break my back and the ties numb my limbs. I close my eyes, but it only magnifies this state of mind. I don't care to venture there, don't care to invoke any questions, I just wish to be free, on my own terms- false hope. I will set a fire to the walls around me, and sit in the ashes. I will tear myself down, and stay till I am found. I will scream till I have no strength, speak till my mouth is dry. I have what it takes to get there, but as soon as I arrive, I'm absent-false hope.

Where am I?

I blame you for being so god damn perfect,
for being everything i needed,
everything i wish to see in myself.
I blame this mess I've been handed,
for holding me here,
pinning me against this wall keeping me tied to you.

It's all coming back,
the blanket, the smile, the shirt,
the necklace i don't wear anymore.

I can't promise to find my way back.
Maybe it's the comfort of a familiar face.
No, it's the thought you could tear me down.
I need to be torn again, and remember how human I am.

Let a text message remind me of where i really am.
Or was that a car?

I, Insight.

failure, heartbreak.
failure, experience.
failure, abuse.
failure, slip.
failure, trip, fall.
failure, fail.

ring, intentions.
ring, heartbreak.
ring, doubt.
ring, hope.
ring, failure.

you, love.
i, disappointment.

Bleed it out.

As the day approaches the nerves build and I believe its about time I explode, or bleed out silently. There's nothing I can do and nothing will happen, but I will witness what the rest of them will.. it almost seems pointless, serving strictly as an escape from its self.. I can only give what i have, and now that i have nothing, i fill myself with you. You will never know, and this I must accept.. but until then I will run myself down in an honest attempt at a fantasy you've only let me see a glimpse of and then remind me by the second its not mine for the taking... but does that mean you can't envy? There i will stay, i could spend my whole life trying to get to you, but those creatures in the back of mind, will always whisper the truth... and i will commit those words to memory, then push them down far enough to keep them from coming out. For tonight I'll bleed it out.

No Vacancy. Try back later...

I ran out to get away from them. I needed to some time to sort. I tried to listen, and understand the words that usually got me out of these situations. I walked stoically, this reminded me of the faces in my sketch book, they were always left blank. I can't help but to think this is partly my fault, but it was only to protect myself, as if anyone else was going to. I couldn't let them in, let them see inside, all the shit I've oppressed over the years, laid out for the masses to access and grade. For so long I've been able to not conform to the idea of what satisfied them, but now, its needed in order to go further, i don't want to loose myself, or suppress myself. I guess stoic is safe..

but its not going to get this shit out on the shelves...