jealousy i belive its called...

Not poetic, but it will get the point across.

you disappointed me, i was pateint with you. everything you've given me you've torwn down in a matter of seconds. what scares me most? the fact one person can break me, or what will come of this. ill put my dreams aside, put everyone asside, put these demons to rest even if the cost is grater then what i can give, or what is left.... once i dicifer what is loss and what is revivable. i know how this is gonna go, and how this gonna end, ill be back right where i started repeating the same mistakes.... its just one relapse.


conclusion: i need to think, and i cant do it with all these people pulling at me

Every action was well rehearsed.

i repeated the words back to Myself, but this time, i could not be folled, lost meAning, no melodY cOincIdeS with in these phrases.

so I tried aGain.

you've madE youR self perfectly cleAr without saying a woRd.




p.s-....and then enters the artist, with all his tools in hanD.....; deja vu?





some times the meaning is excentuated
HE SAVED ME

misery loves sympathy (the protagonist.).

-i started working on a new song concept
i found myself becomeing easily distracted
it seems to be happening alot lately
so i turn on some msi(shhhh dont tell anyone)
bring up mayo's latest blog

-i cant get jason off my mind, obvious its effecting my focus-ness in everything i do

-so im lossing my mind
hes oblivious to my flirting
and im apprently, drowning in shallow waters.

-im a loser and i know it, now embrace it

-some words from mark
" I'm just a guy that never tried
I'm just a stupid fuck with brilliant luck
and sometimes a bright idea
So shower me in a chorus of compliments
and verse I don't deserve
I might run but I'll never hide"

-new moto
"because i feel like it" im gonna express myself as much as i feel and not give a shit about what others think, and hey, maybe he'll still talk to me.




now make it dramatic, make it look tragic, everyones waiting for your big finish

you know what i love about funerals? everything i own is black.

_____you always seem to come at the right time, and say the words i need to hear. i keep them saved on my ipod, and i read them before i go to bed.
oh the things you've taught me, ive grown wiser from your words, forgetting the melody, and dipicting the meaning.
certain phrases, and certain charaters, and certainly the plot, scream your name, i feel closer to you through these little things, and the more i get to know you, the more tangable my dreams feel. everything you've put your name on has a gold glimer around it.
i couldnt thank you enough for the way you've changed my life.



p.s- i found myself mimicking your hand gestures yesturday, i've watched one too many interviews. XD hahaha

"what goes up, must come down, right?"

please stick with me on this one, its the most import blog ive ever written



i woke up this mourning, and made myself up, with everyone i had to please in mind, i dressed up as lyn-z because he said i looked cute. i found myself day dreaming, probably because i didnt have much sleep, or i had a lot in front of me. i wasnt happy, i couldnt figure out why. i have a gig tomarrow;guitar tech, i just learned how to play the pulloff section of the "dead!" solo at concert tempo, i had just finished producing an amazing song, and my brother asked me to write and do guest vox on his up comming song. everything i had thought would complete this happiness i was striving for, suddenly seemed, less pravailing in my life. was i being greedy? missing something? had i not thought this out enough? i was starting to feel like this would turn out to be a minor scale of what was yet to come.

With each days passing i learn something new about me, today; i only hear what i wish to hear, and i repeat it back, but i only remember everything i wish i could have forgotten. i know now that although ive been told over and over where my problems were comming from,and i denied them, they were right.

i cant fight these demons now, i dont have the streanth, im too tired, the show must go on, and i will continue to draw this smile on every mourning, for those who i wish to keep distant from me.

i will sing your words back to you, but that dosent mean ill comprehend them. although ive draw this in such rich detail, its up to your interpretation.


farewell for now
i must rest

"Let's mothball this shit baby...with one hour to spare."