You'll never catch me here.

Hero's come from unexpected places,
leaders arise deep from with in the ashes.
So come watch the crowd in awe.
The view from here is the best.

The masses gather in anticipation,
only to be let down.
The words their searching for,
come out mangled,
who will save them now?

Are you to far weak to take on this feat,
or is it the chance you might let them down.
Your itching out of this skin that you've been dying to get out of.
Afraid they'll see you in a different light.

Oh did you forget, i'm watching,
mimicking your every word.
isn't this what you wanted?
or is it not as great as you heard.

P.S- this one is for you, yes you.
hope i could spark some inspiration.

these wounds are temporary, nothing a little time cant erase.

It's the first time i cried in a while,
the first time i listened too all three mychem albums back to back in a long time,
first time i admitted to myself how much i am effected by my past.
I have everything that i want,
but it's not quite right.
theres something holding me back,
i fear the most what i think it may be.
i know what it is, i'm sure of it.
i cant wait for much longer,
fear theres no way out.
but fear is all it is.

it all tastes the same, just diffrent scenery.
i know now what those musicians ment by what they said, but i belived i was diffrent.
im not diffrent were all the same. were all looking for the same things, want to be loved, feel special, feel apart of something bigger then ourselfs.
one cant outweigh the others. thats what they ment.

im sick in the mind now, i remeber this cold room, this high, this release, this same story. the same story ive been serching for an ending for years now.
oh the strings ive been held up by have been severd for i had belived this was over.
i am just left to my own divices.

running in circles

i appologize in advance

To insure again by transferring to another insurance company all or part of an assumed liability, thus spreading the loss risk any one company has to carry.

Or D minor?

I sat back and watched, like a fly on the wall. The love and cheer in the air, it didn't phase me, sadly. All i could think about was my father, our functional disfunctional relationship built upon disappointment. A balence of trying to change each other for what we think is better, stopped in its tracks by stuborness at both sides. A constant tug and pull of ulteria motive and persuasions, ending in unmutualistic concequences. I stared into the fire, to keep time moving, and to keep my thoughts seized, for the monment.


P.S-We'll play it by ear.

C Major

I spent most of my time in mass day-dreaming.
Would we hold hands? Would we kiss at the end?
Should I wear that dress? What should I say?
I'm more excited than nervous, thursday is so far away.
I repeated every word you've said last night, back to myself,
I dont want to forget one monment.
I did learn one thing from mass though, i have gotten everything i had wanted this year, and christmas hasnt even come yet.


P.S- My favorite was: "I've been thinking about you all day.".

Weave this into what you like.

You seemed just as surprised as i was, and the melody kept repeating. I grined at how cliche this all felt, and how everything was falling in to place, finaly. I open my notebook only to find words that are so foreign to me now. Keys that I've never worked in, words I'd never think I'd say, they all come so naturaly.

You've taught me something that has changed me. Although I've heard it time after time, i didnt find it true untill now. I am fine just they way i am, what ever im wearing, what ever im saying, whatever im doing. You've shown me a new me, a me that im comfortable with, a me that isnt obsessive, or compulsive, or a underachiver, or a failure, ect.. Though i still have some flaws, you make them seem like my best assets.

I know whats to come, i cant wait!


p.s- could i be falling for you?

These words are all I have to hide behind.

Lets play a game.

You be the gentile, I'll be the ingenue.
I'll make the first move, you say the last words.


You Win.

No need to exsplain, I already know.

The bright colors seem to bleed into shades of grey,
fresh blankets of snow,
water stained,
pictures reflect back brighter memories,
that now escape me.

This christmas will be diffrent,
a mourning of things i must let go,
a celebration of things i left behind.

A lesson learned,
but all was a waste of time.
you were the best time i ever wasted,
those seconds,
the best of my life,
and for what again?

My reflection in the silver spheres relay a message i do not wish to portray,
but it will do for now.


P.S- I know you havent read these, but your latest work leads me to belive other wise. Thanks for listening, or not.

Oh baby, you play me so well.

Wonderfull concert last night, solo for me again? i love seeing you all dressed up, in your element, so focused. I enjoyed chating with your mother, even though it was about her, your mother is right Christina does lack alot of commen sence. The big week is comming up, im trying not to get my hopes up, but its so hard when ive been eyeing you for a while now. You keep me here, guessing, admiring, i dont mind at all, keep me here forever. Your too modest, but i love that about you. Dont change a thing about you or ill have to kick your ass.



P.S- I know what you wanted me to say, i just wanted you to work for it.

Burn this when your done.

i test things, boundries, trust, relationships, theroys, the whole ten yards. When im done, the out come is either "i knew it" or "they were right". I loose alot of things in the process, but i gain something with more value, wisdom. Even though i kinda knew to begin with, i needed to know first hand, foolish i say. Perhaps exsperience and wisdom arewhat i long to have, the earlier the better, get it over with and out of my system, so i know what i want early, and have plently of time to get it.


What ever IT is...


P.S. - So she doesnt see me as a threat?

Victim via valor.

Runaway with me,
anywhere,
far away from here. We
can
escape this all and
leave it in the
dust. Just you me
and the stars that
will guide us.
we'll call the family a few
miles down the road.
Tonight is what we make it,
tomarrow will be
the best day of our
lives.

Or you can just forget i said anything.

jealousy i belive its called...

Not poetic, but it will get the point across.

you disappointed me, i was pateint with you. everything you've given me you've torwn down in a matter of seconds. what scares me most? the fact one person can break me, or what will come of this. ill put my dreams aside, put everyone asside, put these demons to rest even if the cost is grater then what i can give, or what is left.... once i dicifer what is loss and what is revivable. i know how this is gonna go, and how this gonna end, ill be back right where i started repeating the same mistakes.... its just one relapse.


conclusion: i need to think, and i cant do it with all these people pulling at me

Every action was well rehearsed.

i repeated the words back to Myself, but this time, i could not be folled, lost meAning, no melodY cOincIdeS with in these phrases.

so I tried aGain.

you've madE youR self perfectly cleAr without saying a woRd.




p.s-....and then enters the artist, with all his tools in hanD.....; deja vu?





some times the meaning is excentuated
HE SAVED ME

misery loves sympathy (the protagonist.).

-i started working on a new song concept
i found myself becomeing easily distracted
it seems to be happening alot lately
so i turn on some msi(shhhh dont tell anyone)
bring up mayo's latest blog

-i cant get jason off my mind, obvious its effecting my focus-ness in everything i do

-so im lossing my mind
hes oblivious to my flirting
and im apprently, drowning in shallow waters.

-im a loser and i know it, now embrace it

-some words from mark
" I'm just a guy that never tried
I'm just a stupid fuck with brilliant luck
and sometimes a bright idea
So shower me in a chorus of compliments
and verse I don't deserve
I might run but I'll never hide"

-new moto
"because i feel like it" im gonna express myself as much as i feel and not give a shit about what others think, and hey, maybe he'll still talk to me.




now make it dramatic, make it look tragic, everyones waiting for your big finish

you know what i love about funerals? everything i own is black.

_____you always seem to come at the right time, and say the words i need to hear. i keep them saved on my ipod, and i read them before i go to bed.
oh the things you've taught me, ive grown wiser from your words, forgetting the melody, and dipicting the meaning.
certain phrases, and certain charaters, and certainly the plot, scream your name, i feel closer to you through these little things, and the more i get to know you, the more tangable my dreams feel. everything you've put your name on has a gold glimer around it.
i couldnt thank you enough for the way you've changed my life.



p.s- i found myself mimicking your hand gestures yesturday, i've watched one too many interviews. XD hahaha

"what goes up, must come down, right?"

please stick with me on this one, its the most import blog ive ever written



i woke up this mourning, and made myself up, with everyone i had to please in mind, i dressed up as lyn-z because he said i looked cute. i found myself day dreaming, probably because i didnt have much sleep, or i had a lot in front of me. i wasnt happy, i couldnt figure out why. i have a gig tomarrow;guitar tech, i just learned how to play the pulloff section of the "dead!" solo at concert tempo, i had just finished producing an amazing song, and my brother asked me to write and do guest vox on his up comming song. everything i had thought would complete this happiness i was striving for, suddenly seemed, less pravailing in my life. was i being greedy? missing something? had i not thought this out enough? i was starting to feel like this would turn out to be a minor scale of what was yet to come.

With each days passing i learn something new about me, today; i only hear what i wish to hear, and i repeat it back, but i only remember everything i wish i could have forgotten. i know now that although ive been told over and over where my problems were comming from,and i denied them, they were right.

i cant fight these demons now, i dont have the streanth, im too tired, the show must go on, and i will continue to draw this smile on every mourning, for those who i wish to keep distant from me.

i will sing your words back to you, but that dosent mean ill comprehend them. although ive draw this in such rich detail, its up to your interpretation.


farewell for now
i must rest

"Let's mothball this shit baby...with one hour to spare."

somethings are better left unsaid, when you know how the story ends
begging for sympathy got you here babe
now find you way out

kiss me destroy me

ive been avoiding the matter for far too long, a few matters actualy. Theres a part of me i refuse to belive exsists, but it seems to be inevitable. This could quite possibly tear me apart, and maybe it that means that i should keep away, but as i said, its inevitable. Maybe if i tell myself over and over one thing, ill start to belive its true, its worked before, so ill try it again, but no matter how hard i try to distance myself from you, you keep comming back.



p.s-theres nothing wrong with me

Outro

We all feel threatend by power.
That we are the weaker of two,
that we no longer have controll.
Our determination for power is what drives us,
weather its forward or backward.......

P.S- is done

Trying To Escape The Inevitable

Im so tired of putting on a smile for people who think they care.
these masks heavey us,
break our backs,
clinging to our skin.
what chemical may break this down?
the cure envokes an inevitable battle that advoidence will only wear you down.

*insert your happy ending here*

P.S- hopefully this scilence means my heart has given up, and you have forgotten about me.