When all is gone.

I wrote this a while ago, it's not poetic, but its more powerful to me now.


Stay with me,
lay here with me.
talk to me about anything you please.
Smile for me,
like you mean it this time,
i need to feel you here,
i need to know what your thinking,
i need to know that every things okay.

Speak to me,
why wont you tell me why?
don't you know it kills me to see you unhappy.

I'll stand by,
I'll hold your hand,
I'll say what ever makes you happy,
but i wont play a game thats only deceiving.

Please, don't go away,
not tonight, i need you tonight,
here, i lie so idle, with out you in my life.


Theres a part of me that draws me to you, to think your here, i feel every detail of your jacket beneith my finger tips, i feel the warmth of your chest on my cheek, i search for your sent on my blanket, you've never been so distant.... but in proximity?

I am here, and everywhere, i wont come in, its too light in there, they'll see everything.

House Of Wolves.

Dare i strike a match in an unknown room, just to satisfy curiosity? just to see something in a new light, in a new prospective. May i invoke that shadow across the corridor? Pull it in to see it's face, to send it back to its place, only to stare the most fear in the eyes, to say that i have done so. Watching from a far has drained its own energy. Tempting, antagonizing, threatening, all depicted and the brightest lights, too opaque to reveal anything real. Still not one step back would be taken, even as it breathes down my neck, and just when its ready to fight, I'll strike the match.

Sophomoric.

With each breath I take, I take regret.
With each ring I hold hope, you never faded.
Your voice i still hear, though you sent has long faded.
Not today, I'll never be okay away from your arms.

With each step, it doesn't become closer.
With each minute, its all time wasted.
Ghost of my past, stay with me tonight.
You'll always be gracing the best of my dreams.

How to sleep, where you play.

I'll keep myself here,
I'm used to it by now.
Yeah i can stand this,
as long as as no ones around.

You can't change my mind,
this is who i am, who i want to be.
No You don't phase me,
say what you like, it doesn't effect me.
So you can keep tearing this place apart,
but i'll never leave.
No, this is my turn,
to be everything i had wanted,
you cant take this from me.

So i sat here, and took every blow.
Was that your best shot?
Yeah i thought so.
You can kick and scream,
no you can't tear me down.

10 beats shy of a lullaby.

I wish i had the right words to convey the light you've instilled in me.
This treasure i will never, could never let go.
How it has grown around me, like a blanket to an infant.
I stay a distance just to keep it safe, but i never lose touch.
You've made a dream, tangible.
Let a fantasy, shed light on a reality i no longer need to shape.
What can i give you in return?
To let you know that you are heard.

3:15pm

I will appear only when i feel the time is right,
then i will fade back.
When all is perfect i will take the world by storm,
but not yet, now i work and wait.
Yes when the day comes to show em all,
I'll do it 20 times better then anyone could have imagined.

And i'll get what i want when the time comes,
and give it all i have.
I'll take it once everything is perfect.
but not yet, now i fix and write.
Oh when that day comes it will be the best of my life,
And no one can take that from me.

Up hills.

I stood up and got knocked down. yeah i did it, but it doesn't feel better. why did you cry, who does this crowd behind me think i am? I am nothing but. I'll take the ride for what its worth, put a bullet in it when the deed is done. Always looking for a way out, but here i'll stay. Laugh at me as you please, i will be laughing too.

I take it as a warning, i know whats to come, and im not going to stay to watch it happen. Don't say it, i know you mean it, but it only makes this harder. Don't say it.

Who is dragging who?

I accept my reflection, pounded it into the sculpture i felt that day, and let it sit for all to see, and judge, and whatever you do best. Painted, oh yes, with those dark colors we are most fimilar with.
Bleeding, reds and blacks, blurring the object behind.

Your music box.

Keep me safe inside,
keep me close,
give me light once in a while.
Whisper when no ones listening,
Place me beside you when no ones watching,
there is where i like most to be.
"dance for me my love!"
I dance..
"sing for me my love!"
I sing..
Keep me here forever,
I will be here when you need.
Just don't toss me aside,
Keep me safe inside.

To decipher a pull from a tug.

I anticipate a long night to sort this mess out. To find once again, that path i strayed from. Is it possible to get back on, or is the path closer the one i'll be drawn to. How could i let this get so far? Hope, something that has always let me down.

You know, i wrote a few pages worth of reasons why i loved you yesterday, by this afternoon, it was torn. I dont know why i stay anymore, im not sure what part of me wont let go. Its all the same these daysweeks.

Please dont push me, i need some room to think.

The questions always gets me into trouble.
Wheres justin when ya need him?

Not everything you touch can burn.

If you are listening tonight,
tell me this is only the beginning.
If your here with me tonight,
please give me a sign.
Cause I've never felt so alone,
and my words appear like smoke.

Fading under bright lights,
lost in costume, lost am i tonight.
Thought you were by my side,
now i grasp for anything,
and i can clutch and wont slip away.

Is this is the end?
dance till we've got nothing left.
we march side by side.
Walking shadows,
we will shout,
till everyone hears our words.
till our lungs give out,
we wont stop.

we wont stop,
give me your best fight,
so bring on the brightest of lights,
no we wont give up.

Number 3

No you don't know.
No one knows.. lets keep it that way.
If only you knew, though i prefer you didn't.
With this i hold a crooked smile.

"Numb."
"..What?"
"..the word your looking for, numb."
"Oh yes, perhaps..."


What keeps me up at night, or busy during classes?
"him."
"which him?"
"..oh you don't know him. He's everything and more that i could ever desire.."
"what about ... whats his name?"
"oh yeah.. him, i nearly forgot.."
"well thats not right."
"none of this is..."


"..but may i lead?"

----------------

I'm sorry i couldn't be,
everything you wanted.
I always try to be,
that girl your looking for.
Oh no it's just not me.

I won't stop,
till you've got the world.
No i wont sleep till i feel you here next to me.

I'll wait for you,
whoever you want me to be.
I'll be you anything, your everything.
I can give you the world,
i know its not me,
but I'll try to be.

Your witty title....

You know me better then anyone, with only just a few words said.
How long have I kept you here?
Curiosity drives this one, I feel safer in the passenger seat.

What are you so afraid of?
I would expect more from you, no scratch that.. of you.
A passing glance wont get the point across.


I've been thinking of the concert... I know whats going to go down.
How it will, or if it will fall into place, you decide that.


Something real to hold on to.


I know you can treat me better, your more like me, but theres something missing...

fix it.




xoxo





p.s-only to contradict.

No.

Stay right there, don't move, keep your eyes here.
Stop talking i need you to listen, don't walk away, you said you would listen.
You never meant it did you?





Learn to love the lie.

This is fun and all, but am I talking to a ghost?

Are you toying with me my dear? No, as if i had the privilege of being acknowledged by you. It's still a thought of mine I dwell on, mostly to shed light on the others.

Secrets are very important to you, I know, but the trill of letting one out over rides the fear of embarrassment and/or destruction, doesn't it?

With this I keep it all to myself. Selfish some may say, but it all makes me feel closer to you, though you couldn't be further away. With each idea you bring to the table, i bring something in return. Tonight I will bring the side dish, do you have a favorite?

I do not have a grip on reality, therefore, the truth in my eyes are blurred. Perhaps I'm better of this way, preserve the child in me, minus the foolishness this time around. I do believe every word you've said, am I a fool to trust someone i don't even personally know? Or do I? I know you better then I know me these days, but at the same time, what your name is wouldn't change any thing you've said.
For this truth, I am forever in debt to you.



p.s- I will use the finest of my brushes, and the darkest of my colors, my best masterpiece of shit, every line carefully thought out with each aspect of you in mind.


Keep talking....




xoxo